Thoughts and More

With just 4 days til the new year dawns, it’s hard not to reflect on how the year 2009 went and what to anticipate of 2010. Do I feel a burst of excitement about 2010? Hmm…. perhaps I could do with more. Year 2009 was tough, from the very beginning right til the end (well…considering the fact that I still have a few more days to go……. I hope things will change for the better *fingers crossed*) So, am I hoping for a ‘twist of fate’ in 2010? Yup! You can definitely bet on it!

I started 2009 with a pledge to LOVE. In loving, this means the giving of myself unconditionally, looking out for the people I love and care about- always ready to sacrifice for the betterment of others. I can’t say I succeeded 100% at this but I can say that I tried. This time round, I want to try something else. I want to turn that direction of love to myself. Yup! You read me correctly. I want to love myself more this coming year. I realized that many times, I give too much of myself for others that I deprive myself of love. In saying so, I am blessed with great friends who shower me with this love and I am forever grateful for them. But if I don’t start showing myself love, what will I have left to give to others? When there is an outflow, there must be a steady inflow to maintain balance, right? So yeap! I’m determined to work on the betterment of myself this coming year =) This starts with healthier living! Diet, Exercise, …the whole package! *smirk* May this post serve as a reminder in times of  weariness. =)

So what awaits me around the corner?  Well, I’ll just have to wait til then.

Yes. ‘Letting Go’ is an art. In fact, it is often an art that not many can master. To open up a clammed up fist definitely requires more than strong muscles; self-determination is an ingredient not to be missed.  How many times have you found yourself ‘running around in circles’,’ back at square one’, in the same ‘crap’ you found yourself in the previous time……. etc? When will you ever learn your lesson? When will you graduate from your school of ‘wishful thinking’ and enter into reality? When?

Yes. Letting Go is an art. An art of extreme difficulty.

Lord, all my hopes and dreams…CRUSH them if You must and increase in me Your grace day by day to face tomorrow.

Most people would agree that limits are of extreme importance. Boundaries are often set and lines drawn to mark off danger zones. Why? Simple. For the sake of  our safety. However, ironically, people  tend to live close to the line, often looking over the edge . Little do they realise, the more they look over the line, trying to stretch the boundaries as far as they can, the more impulsely their bodies are drawn to cross that line.

Temptation is something we all face. There is no two ways about it as the bible clearly states. My question is, why put yourself through the torture when you have a choice not to? Why put yourself in a place of temptation? In 2 Tim2:22, we are called to FLEE. Over and over again, scripture tells us that it is not about trying to figure out how close we can get to the line but rather turning tail and running the other direction staying as FAR AWAY from danger as we can!Indeed, what honour is there living at evil’s doorstep, fighting against temptation?

We often recite the Lord’s Prayer. In it, Jesus taught us to pray “And lead us not into temptation” . Note that He didn’t say “Help us to fight off temptation or defeat temptation for us. Instead, we pray that God will show us where the ‘line’ is drawn so that we can walk the other direction. God knows our frailty as humans and He graciously provides us a better way.

So the next time we find ourselves near the line, or worst still, peeping over the line, let’s hope that we’ll come to our senses and take huge steps back! Sometimes, we may not realise that we are standing on slim ice; let’s pray that there will be someone who cares enough to say something.

Prov 27:5 reads  ” Better is open rebuke than hidden love”

That is true love. So when we say we love our neighbours, people around us, perhaps it will do us good to check whether we really do love them…or….. is our love…..hidden?

……………..

Most definitely!

Until that fulfillment comes to reality, patience is a virtue needing much cultivation in my life. (this I have to admit)

I just pray that in the meanwhile, I will not be hasty in my decision-makings, nor will I grow restless and throw in the towel.

I believe the key to making it through is perseverance. Who said it would be an easy task anyway? Nobody.

There is only one way to find out.

And that is to persevere!

Warning:

 High contents of girl talk. May not be bearable to the male gender and some female genders alike. Proceed only if you think yourself able.

Note: You were warned.

Two people happened to cross my mind today. Both had one thing in common. I had let them down at one point some time ago.

It is no secret how much I desire to have my own family. In fact, all those who know me will sense this. I guess it is some sort of vibe that I send out around people or perhaps its because I often talk about it (yea yea… it is probably  more of the latter than the former…) *winkz* ..the point is, I still have yet to meet somebody. Some have commented that perhaps I am too ‘picky’ or that I have set standards that are impossible to match while other kind souls have simply commented that the ‘time isn’t right…yet’. This got me thinking.

Perhaps all this while I have been delusioned thinking that I could be the ‘exception’ when all along I was the ‘rule’.

The rule is : Mediocre girls don’t end up with Type A Personality, High Profile guys. Only the ‘exception’ end up with such guys.  And only then will the law of ‘ Opposites Attract’ apply.

*sigh* Feel-good movies like “She’s All That” should come with  disclaimer written : FICTION – WILL NOT HAPPEN IN REALITY, lest eager , hopeful girls, like myself, end up believing in them.

And so to the two people above, I realise how silly I was to hope in being the ‘exception’. Yes, Type A personality, high profile guys might come along BUT they often don’t stay. And so, yes I deserved what I got and being back at square one is none other than my own doing.

However, looking at retrospect, perhaps my decision back then wasn’t all that bad. Both people are now happy with their other half and I am happy for them. Perhaps behind all that foolishness, some good did result from it.

So where do I go from here?

Step one: NEVER repeat history. TWICE is enough! After all, three strikes and you’re out, right?

*lol*

(To my future partner (if you ever do come along and happen to be reading this), I am in no way implying that you are mediocre. The fact that you came along, has made me the exception)

*lol*

To those reading this post: Didn’t I warn you that this post would be girly?

Who would have thought I would be where I am today?

Who would have thought I would be in the situation that I am today?

Who would have thought that life decided to run its own course?

Who would have thought things would turn out the way they did?

*sigh*

This just goes to show that:

Life was never in our grasp….it was never in our own hands to begin with.

Why bother?!?

*zipped mouth*

case closed.

Jesus, Beautiful Saviour,
God of all Majesty,
Risen king,
Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous,
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star

All the heavens shout your praise,
All creation bow to worship You

How wonderful, how beautiful,
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name, name above every name, Jesus

I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you

Sometimes, I wonder what the fuss is all about. Rising up and down emotional rides is no fun. What is the point of getting all worked up? What do you gain in the end? 

A heavy heart. A tired mind. That’s what you get.

So I pray that God will give me the courage to change the things I can and the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.

I hear ‘them’, those voices of the past; I feel ‘them’ , those bitter emotions that I painstakingly tried to remove. ‘History’ repeats itseld before my very eyes. It is hard to deny its existence. So what can I do?

I can accept the fact that things are not going to change but that I can change my response to it. No. I will not duck and hide this time. This time, I will walk away a victor.

Friends, family, people who you think you can trust, will all disappoint you in some way or another. Aren’t we all living in a fallen world? One day you are somebody’s friend, the next, you are pushed aside and left ignored. Rejection. Yup, something nobody would want to go through voluntarily. But I take courage in my Saviour who went through the ultimate rejection of all age. Who am I, a mere speck in comparison to the universe He created, to complain about rejection?  I have no right.

And so, my eyes are fixed to the Lord. Yes, my tears are only for His eyes only. Meanwhile, I stand in the hope that like him, I too will receive the hope of glory that He has promised.

Just when you start to show a little ‘faith’ in some people, they throw your hopes back at you!

Just when you took the risk to make a stand for them, they hurl your efforts right back at your face!

Can a person’s character change for the better?

Can a person’s word ever be trusted?

Must reliability be something alien? Why don’t people do what they say? Why don’t they just follow through whatever they said they would do?

Perhaps innate character really is permanent.

Perhaps ‘hoping for a change for the better’ really only belonged to ‘feel-good’ fairy tales.

With that in mind,

What’s the use of caring?

What’s the point of hoping for people to ‘wake up’! ?

*silence*

Perhaps it’s time to be selfish. Who cares what they do with their lives anymore.

*end*

Lord I come to You

Let my heart be changed, renewed

Flowing from the grace

That I’ve found in You

 Lord I’ve come to know

The weakenesses I see in me

Will be stripped away

By the power of Your love

 ~ chorus ~

 Hold me close

Let Your love surround me

 Bring me near

Draw me to Your side

 And as I wait I’ll rise up like the eagle

And I will soar with You

Your Spirit leads me on

In the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes

Let me see You face to face

The knowledge of Your love

As You live in me

Lord renew my mind

As Your will unfolds in my life

In living every day

By the power of Your love.